Secret Garden

Recently dug out some old tracks from an album i had from my cousin. Songs from Secret Garden.

Two types of songs that can make one fall asleep: one super bad and boring. The other super fantastically smoothing that calms one down.

Secret Garden belongs to the Latter. So much emotions in just a few instruments that can be conveyed. No voices nor any singing, just violin and a couple of instruments but yet if you sit down and listen carefully, your tears would just flow. It's been some time since a song can do that. The last was Josh Groban and then George Michael. But this is absolutely beautiful.

Atlantia, Adagio, NOcturn are the first few tracks of the album.

best to listen on a rainy day or cold weather, if you want to ease into your bed and with a drink in hand.

vietnam!

happy i going on holiday soon!! dec i going vietnam on holidays with candida..heee... wonder what will come out of it...

umm.. thankful i have tried a bit but still hasn't gone to elusive europe! n Mongolia! let's see so far AU,Malaysia,Thailand,India, China, Taiwan, Indonesia, HK, Macau.... going bk taiwan nxt yr =) hope to go EU soon though! holland 2008 as agreed with Ling Fang wahaha. =)

exercise

I'm begining to love workout. Sundays ABT, Monday Aerboics /swimming, Wed aerobics, thurs swimming sat gym. And in case one gets the perception that i'm ultra fit, nope. In fact i'm still far from ideal.

Although my original motive and aim is to slim down, but now, i jsut love the feeling of sweating out in a good workout, the feeling after the workout. .. .. afterall, exercise is about feeling good about yrself.

actually recently i love the feeling of continuing on to torture and beat up my body through work outs, at end of the day I wanted to know that I have the discipline to continue on in a work out consistently.. Well, if the end prodcut is a slimmer body, why not, that's a bonus. though now the bonus still evades me like hell.

mine?

When is it going to be my turn? When can i have mine?

Couting my blessings

Today is the day i shall be happy and joyful to count my blessings. It's in times of stress that one needs to count their blessings =)

Thank God for

A pretty nice job
An awesome family
Ppl who care about me
being healthy still
for ppl that can understandme
Meeting my needs

And of cos, for having God with me. =)

Not look at the cons, but look at the pros.

Prayer.

God, You are my anchor and tower, that's what i always say. But Lord, I think I've grown too far and too caught up in the things of the world.

Make my life a prayer to you
I wanna do what you want me to
I want to shine the light You gave,
through Your Son, You Sent to Save us
from ourselves and our despair.
It comforts me
to know You're really there.

...
I want to tell the world out there,
You're not some fable or fairy tale
that I've made up, inside my head,
You're God the Son,
You've Risen from the Dead.

Let's get cosy in the train

Morning peak hour for some of us is a super common scene, seeing who is the first to 'chiong' in or chiong out. some stuck to the pole like as though they will freaking fall with out the pole. Some, in the sardine packed train, which you are already stuffing your face into the person's hair in front of you cos it's so packed, had to act 'chio' and fling her hair out into your face, machiam like she in MTV or something. Wah liew..

Now, there was a time when it's so packed i had my face plastered to the door already and inside everybody is sniffing somebody else's hair or back already and somebody who's trying to get in from outside, i dunno whether to laugh or cry or be angry, still say "excuse me". Imagine the scene, the train is throughly packed, you can't even squeeze a kid in and at the door, there are tonnes of ppl who think they are stick thin trying to squeeze their butt in stil say "pls move in" or"excuse me". I looked in, surveyed the sardines in the can and i wondered aloud, "to where??" thankfully the lady got it and decided not to pursue. whew...!

They must have thought i'm not made of solid matter but of air who can be compressed further in in a fixed space. Somebody give them some science lesson please.. hehe.

Dilemma again!

I love the feeling of being carefree!! And in case it's something like no worries in life.. nope that's not my point today =) it's about being in a state where I don't like anyone.. there's no stupid stone in your heart, it stresses me out more than a freaking meeting with my CEO or soemthing hahaha.. it feels so good not having to miss someone or wonder whtat they are doing etc..

but then here comes the dilemma, i miss having someone i can miss, someone i can tok to or simply snuggle up against or even someone i feel like kissing! haha.

But oh well haha.. i can be happy in the first state still =)

now which one do ppl prefer to be in? there are some who just die without a partner... thank God i'm nt like that.. hehe.. some too strong they feel they dun need one At all .. oh well =)

2week long birthday celebrations!!

Yesterday marked the last day of my almost 2 week long celebrations! yippie!

7th sept we had a cell birthday celebrations at Harry's@ dempsey. Alamak, the place is a pain to get to it's really unless your drive hehe... XB sabo me to stage but end up he kena saboed also!! hehe...


ahhhhh Fri @ iguana @ clarke quay!! With my ex-colleagues that i really enjoy hanging otu with. Li hia and LF. Li Hia is always damn funny and she always have stories to tell haha.. and most often than nt, she is my aunt agony hehe.. Superb knowing her.. oh some rice and chicken that i ate there was wonderful but we were damn full and can hardly finish our food. me and LF down one jug of margarita before even li hia came and another one when she come. ooh.. feel like ordering shots for their happy hours actually but save $$$ heheh..

Sat was with my secondayr school friends Jiashi and Ah mei! hehe.. long time no see them, good to catch up with folks you've not seen for a long long time manz. We wanted to check out Robertson quay, stupid that i am, actually forget to find out how to get there, so when we went to ask a security at clarke quay, after giving some general directions, he asked us a question " Clarke quay not happening enough?" hehehe.. that was pretty funny hahaa... dinner was @ waraku, nice food, wonderful service they have!! it's like super packed but the lady ushering in was still super friendly. Wonderful!! And dinner was a treat from them =) Oh anyway, we didn't want to find where Robertson is , so we headed down to Forbidden City anyway, but they were playing trance =( ..


Tues is a pleasant suprise haha. Michael my ex-colleagues rallied a birthday celebraton for a couple of us september babies . that's really awesome of him to inlcude me in the cellebrations also since i'm no longer in HP le. So it was a dinner at Kim Gary not bad, pretty suprising night i would say, ctching up with ex-colleagues.


Wednesday my actual day!! specially reserve for my family.. =) I've got like the best family in the world wide world... even a simple cake birthday song and ang bao is good enuf even if it's with them. I got wonderful parents who never give me pressure for school, super humourous father who is v sweet to my mum, super hilarious\, trendy, futuristic thinking and open minded mother, 2 wonderful sisters who have always dote on me one way or another, my best friends who i can share my woes to, grab make up, perfume, bags from (and they always wilingly lend me, now how many sisters do that!hehe). And arguments were shortlived and we are always having fun everyday at home. Love my family!

Ah anyway on next St James on Friday!!! Woo hoo!! i think the night was a blast anyway, i quite thoroughly enjoy my time except tht there wasn't much cute guys. Checked out Dragonfly since there was so much talk about it.. this slyvester looking guy was quite good actually, not sure if it's him haha. Most of the night is at boiler rm since they play my fav 2 genre, rock and HIP hop R&B.. =) not much dancing in the beginning, but after that once the songs picked up, it's partying time! i pretty much almost dance quite a bit, but not enough!! saw Mario the Power98DJ there too, he is wonderful and friendly, would talk a bit smile and say hi kind of thing. friendly guy no airs about him also. And i think the drinks are a bit diluted cos after half a jug of Whiskey, another glass whiskey dry, 3 shots and a magarita, i'm still not very high yet.. i dun think my alcohol limit DAT good loh. got to know a gp of strangers on the dance floor.. nto that i 'd see them again, but well.. for the fun of it at night hehe. But i guess one of the good part is i'm with friends that i can be myself, that's Candida, zl and jade hehe =)

Sat !! the last of my celebrations!! was with another bunch of ex-colleagues in HP.. my lunch kakis then!! Kean n his girl charmaine whom i also enjoy toking to, carol LF n ashley.. we were@ tea chapter drinking tea for like 5 hours!! hahha.. throughly de-toxify !! But miss those times at HP.. they are all wonderful colleagues!! It's also another gp of ppl whom i enjoy hanging out with , who know what i'm like and can accept me for who i am.. wonderful ppl!!

At night had dinner with aijia, my friend for like for ever... =) good to catch up with friends who is like forever

Oh, not forgetting my overseas colleagues and friends who remebered and msg ed me from overseas also, my Taiwanese colleague AMy, Indian Colleagues susmitha!! and lisheng churchmate in Czech, malaysian colleagues Daliya and Melor .. so wonderful o fthem =)
i'll forever remember these day because i think as ppl grow up and work, they have their own lives and it's hard to meet up de.. so really appreciate all my friends both overseas and here who remember.... =)

It's really wonderful cos as ppl grow up or get older, it's really hard to meet up cos they have thieir own lives.. so that's why now it's really all the more memorable hehe..

Thanks to all manz!

policemen in MRT

We trot in and out of the MRT stations blindly when we go to work or come home from work. There are just some things that you have come to ignore or fall out of your vision, like the MRT staff, the other passengers or the ice-cream seller sometimes. They become a blur and u just move on to your destination.

Today admist the huge mass of peak hour crowd ants i saw 2 men with 2 bright red caps. Policemen or armed force folks. aiyo.. 2 guys in big red caps holding 2 big rifles. and outside the gate, 2 policemen in uniform. Alamak they are not very discreet. And the thing is that, they are trying to look at though it's a normal routine or normal check.

Okay thing is, here where we are, if you see so many armed force peoples together whispering to each other, there's nothing discreet and routine about it. Their precesence really gives me the creep manz.. can't this ppl just wear plain clothes or something?? hehe.

But it's damn assuring to know our friendly armed forced folks are really near us. =)

cooling down

Every monday is the time i go for my weekly aerobics class. And because of the fact that if i cool down at home, i'd end up dreading my shower and shower at like 11 plus pm with my head wet. So i've tried a new tactic, I'd sit down at the void deck enjoying the natural wind to cool down.

Sometimes, I thoroughly enjoyed moments of these, when i'm all by myself, and i can be anyone i want, i can wear any expression i want and i see no need to entertain. The breeze is a relief and it's a good way to end the day.

Today, the air is thick and dead still. The occasional tickle of air serves nothing to cool off the ever rising heat of my face and body. My body is thristing for the cool wind that usually comes, but tonight, It has decided to take a break for the night. I begged from within but yet it refuses to budge and change its mind. I longed for it to relief me of this of bubbling heat and disquiet. Alas, today is not the day.

mind boggling n incoherent

今天就是那么一天，满脑子里掺渣这许多各种事情， 全都混成一片，能得我头昏脑胀。

想着我的社交圈子， 是不是有时候对人太好。想着为什么那么难找到知己。 到底是不是人们一旦长大， 就变得比较自私自利？ 还是要找到关心你的人，只能在教会找到？还是我真的想太多了。 有时候真的得感谢主。要不是我生命中有了主，早就变成一个自卑及depressed的人。

最不喜欢被人忽来换去， 对你好，就把握当作所以然。 必定在那帮着你的，对我一点也不客气。 真讨厌。

Beauty is a mind boggling affair. Who determines what is beauty and who decide if you are beautiful or not? The world has a set of measurement whether you are beautiful or not. Perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect features, perfect clothes n perfect body? Or are you beautiful cos of your inner beauty? I'll say that noone has the right to determine whether i am beautiful or not, but somehow sometimes i can' help but be led round by the nose by the society.

On one hand you will can say that i Refuse to be measured by the society. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I dont' have a need to be perfect, don't need to put on tonnes of makeup. be all natural. As lng as i'm happy who cares?

but the whole is a cruel place. and humans judge each other by their looks. 1st impression. It' all takes place in a split second. It takes only a few seconds for a person to look you up and down and make a judgement. Bull shit if they say looks are not important. I'll ask them to eat their foot up manz.

Beauty is like a stage performance, you spend years practising, honing everything to perform for people in that circumstance and show.

premaritial sex

I have friends who told me about ppl sleeping with a person on their first 'date' or night out together. Well, i have to say this person is not the only one i know. Others i know before him do that often enough also. Now one might say, so what? It's very common wat. what's the big deal? or give comments like, you sua gu ah? I have to say a increasing pile of incidents like that is pretty mind bogs my mind recently.

now looking at wat's common in the world nowadays. It's just an open society, feelings are by impulse and what's more important is my feelings and satisfying myself. Who holds on to virginity nowadays? the act is purely instinctal and persona happiness is more important than wat we have been drilled into for what seems like no apparent reason. In current society,there seems to be no big deal to it already. Plus the fact that one can say "we are all consenting adults" , "we know wat we are doing". To some, the only limit is as long as the partner don't get aids or pregnant. i have to say on some point of view, in this society, what's wrong with having sex with another person, if we dont' get into trouble and we enjoy the moment? Isn't it what we are built to be? especially if for some, they are going to marry the person anyway, does a signature on a paper determine when we can do it withthe person i love?

now, sometimes call me traditional, dumb or livign in the past. It simply never fails to amaze me how "open", in all sense" people have come to be. How could one possibly sleep with someone you barely know. Based on what? Drunkedness of that moment and the dolling up one can do at that moment in time. And to whose benefit? And does one really don't bother too much about it? I sincerely that all these is going to catch up on them sooner or later . I've seen cases when it do. God has stated clearly that sex out of marriage is wrong. and God is certainly no old dumb fool sitting in the corner of the universe not knowing a single thing. He certainly is aware of the consequences physically, emotionally, spritually or psychologically. But we in our moment of impulse lust has chosen not to look at it. Indulgence is pleasurable no doubt, but temporal nontheless. most of the times, not only does it not solve anything, it heaps more problem. God does not say No to premarital sex for no apparent reason no matter what era we are in. It's amatter whether we understand things thats all.

Now where u stand is up to the individual. As one can see, either side you have yr own justifications. All i say as long as u can stand before God clear and pure in life, or for non-christians conscience clear. it's an indivdual choice.

Friends?

I' have to say i'm disappointed with my friends around me. Im easily a friend to others, but how many can i say likewise that they are a friend to you? Who can i count on when i'm down? WHo can i trust with my secrets and not be laughed at? how many friends i know are willing to take time to spend with me and hear me confide? I think not a lot. In fact 2 of what i consider my dear friends keep giving me excuses when i asked them out to celebrate my birthday. In fact they keep saying they have work to do etc other appointments. Personally, it's all a matter of priority and i'm certainly not their priority. Another person whom i consider my friend, i was willing to hear the person confide in the problems, but when i'm done and i sent out a msg all i get is "no comments" and though was asked what's the problem but when i highlight my problem, all i get is silence and no reply. what the hell. And to think i treat this person as a good friend, someone i can share excitements and downs with. I guess i was dead wrong. It is really hard to find someone to share and DON"T END UP THEY SHARE THEIR PROB WITHOUT LISTENING TO MINE. They just remember they them themselves and u end up feeling more fed up than ever. Either that or they just brush you off saying "aiyah it's like that one lah", or "it's common" or "suan le loh". The point is now how big my problem is, it could be a damn small issue. but the point is i need a listening ear and your sincerity as a friend. dammit.

So then, what am i left with? Is it because I'm not willing to take the first step and trust someone with my problems or is it really cos ppl don't bother anymore.

i jus tknow i'm damn pissed, dead disappointed, depressed and given up hope on my friends.

EMO

feel like shit. disillusioned, lost my footing, swayed by ppl and circumstances. helpless, irritated and trapped. Depressed and sarcastic.

In the deepest of the down.