Friends?

I' have to say i'm disappointed with my friends around me. Im easily a friend to others, but how many can i say likewise that they are a friend to you? Who can i count on when i'm down? WHo can i trust with my secrets and not be laughed at? how many friends i know are willing to take time to spend with me and hear me confide? I think not a lot. In fact 2 of what i consider my dear friends keep giving me excuses when i asked them out to celebrate my birthday. In fact they keep saying they have work to do etc other appointments. Personally, it's all a matter of priority and i'm certainly not their priority. Another person whom i consider my friend, i was willing to hear the person confide in the problems, but when i'm done and i sent out a msg all i get is "no comments" and though was asked what's the problem but when i highlight my problem, all i get is silence and no reply. what the hell. And to think i treat this person as a good friend, someone i can share excitements and downs with. I guess i was dead wrong. It is really hard to find someone to share and DON"T END UP THEY SHARE THEIR PROB WITHOUT LISTENING TO MINE. They just remember they them themselves and u end up feeling more fed up than ever. Either that or they just brush you off saying "aiyah it's like that one lah", or "it's common" or "suan le loh". The point is now how big my problem is, it could be a damn small issue. but the point is i need a listening ear and your sincerity as a friend. dammit.

So then, what am i left with? Is it because I'm not willing to take the first step and trust someone with my problems or is it really cos ppl don't bother anymore.

i jus tknow i'm damn pissed, dead disappointed, depressed and given up hope on my friends.

EMO

feel like shit. disillusioned, lost my footing, swayed by ppl and circumstances. helpless, irritated and trapped. Depressed and sarcastic.

In the deepest of the down.

Life..

Threading on a fine line in life, going on a roller coaster ride. Riding on high, feeling victorious like she's conquered the world. That she can overcome all emotions and circumstances. Instantaneously the next moment, life halted to an eerie halt, devoid of ups and downs. But you can feel the tension building, anticipating somethng to happen. suddenly, it whack you straight in the face, throwing you off guard.

Feel GOod

我忽然间又开始爱上华文。对我而言，一个能把整句话缩成4 个字的而 听起来非常美妙的，就只有华文。最近，开始新的一份工作， 能拿到《我报》。 真觉得很好读。对于我这一个华文不太及格却又很想进步我的程度的人，是个很好的帮助。不但有的学生字，而且有些报章还很细心的有英文翻译。 真细心！

okay, enough of writting in Mandarin. As much as i would love to be articulate and fluent in them, it's an uphill struggle. But typing in mandarin really helps to know my hanyu pinyin and hence improve my pronunciation. hehe. ..

Did something unusual at work today. In the middle of work, i suddenly had developed a runny nose so decided to go out of the office for walk and bathe myself in the sun. As i was walking down Tanjong pagar area, it suddenly feels really good. It's really cooling and the wind is lightly fingering my cheeks and hair. I sat down at a park bench and watch the world frenzily walk by. . For a moment, I'm trapped in a space of time of my own. It doesn't matter there might be work to do, it doesn't matter what situation i'm in, it's just a moment of peace, between me myself and God.

do our best

We are saved not just to wait to go heaven, but we are saved to in turn reach out to others about the good news. This is the gist of a statement i heard the pastor preach today. which is true.. how many of us just go to church on Sunday attend service go home and feel like we've done our job? And how many times we've thought that those around us are just being sunday christians?
I for one are guilty of both. The former is when i'm low and far away from God. The latter is when I thought i'm close to God. Act both are when i'm not very near God. If we are close to God, we won't be thinking either ways.

Sometimes i think i've done my job that's good enough, but it's not enough just to go to church, if we really love God, we'd want to do our best for him and to please him. to share the good news to others who don't know him. tell them that God Almighty reached out to them first and be known to them to want to love them.

God help me do wat He wants to do.

Lamentations

These few days, i'm in an ultra bad mood. I'm not in the mood to be funny or hang around people already. I 've always thought that I'm very sociable and have a sense of humour. Put with me any type of ppl and i can carry on a conversation.. Alas the magic has failed with people who are stil kiddish.. I am simply beyond that frequency to be able to click with these ppl anymore... people who are actually my age but then still behave and think like a 18 or 19 year old is beyond me.. who are they to think that they ahve the rights to simply critise other people or the right to choose that they are superior to others! my foot!!

So many arrogant idiots in the work enviornment! wah liew! it's only a department that has the finally say! do they ahve to be freaking arrogant and ignore ppl like that?? I mean if people is friendly towards you what makes you think you have the damn right to not give a damn and not reply.. If someone invites you for lunch, what makes you think you have the damn right to reject simply because you don't feel like!

stupid fools, talk about being a "Family" company, my foot! it's full of selfish i care about myself cliquish ppl!!.. and i have utterly incapable managers!.. they might know how to do their work, but they don't know how to lead and manage!! if they dont' even know what to do, they expect me to do miracles?? damn the increment and bonus had better be damn good. every day count down to the minutes tolunch then count down to 6 pm.. am i ever going to learn any thing at all?

i feel so far from my friends also.. Sometimes i wonder at the end of the day, who do i click with?

Slackers

aiyo.. sometimes i wonder why would anyone want to employ anyone and give them so little things to do...

the stupid thing is, they employ me for more costs.. but i'm doing like 10% of what i used to be doing in my previous job.. now i'm so thankfully the company didn't ban this blog site.. or a matter of fact msn..

thankfully i got this naturally solemn face haha.. i can be blogging or msning or doing something damn crappy but ppl would still think i'm working very hard.. well they had better give me something to do before i lose my momentum..

Chionging and all

Continuing the note on chionging.. there are 2 particular group of ppl i can't stand when it' comes to ppl who chiong..

first kind, those who think they go chionging is very got "sey".. so they keep telling ppl about the MOS they go, the zouk they go blah blah, and for the younger ones, zouk is typicaly their favourite place they like.. then they would brag about how much they can drink how many jugs they order.. wah liew.. for the older ones they would sound damn sua goo.. personally i think go clubbing go clubbing lah.. wat's the big deal.. chey..

Why do ppl go chiong, club or pub anyway.. music. company, dance and drinks.. right? is it something to brag about anyway?

second kind.. they have chiong a lot in their lifetime.. then u talk about a particular time u enjoyed with your friends, they would tell you "Chey, been there done that.. wat's the big deal?"

wat the hell.

Krueger oh Krueger

Finally wake up from half day of slumber to do something .. sometimes sleeping in is really a waste of time .. before you know it, half the day is gone.. sigh...

Yesterday night went Rouge again, only to realise that John Molina and gang are no longer there. Damn! i gotta hunt them down again.. stupid ppl can't stay in one place for decent number of time manz.. been trying to follow them from Man U bar, to china bar to Momo to finally Rouge.. now they moved on again to Arena but have supposedly left that place also.. wah liew.. tired leh.. can they at least have a simple website or Blog to update their fans about where they are or not..

Anyway, the place i think lost their biz by 70% without them.. it was a far cry from then when john and gang is performing.. so we were pretty unsatified and head on down to MOS hip hop room to continue partying the night away.. suprisingly there are more chinese than malays.. ...
some how um.. i stil like st james.. MOS like more army guys who just book out on sat go one like that.. me and yas decide sept our birthdays we shall go st james to celebrate .. :)

It's pretty funny when we were having breakfast at Mc after MOS closes when lao ma called at 5 plus am and ask how come still so noisy?? hahaha..

anyway.. veyr happy at least i did my fair share of work out.. dance the night away!! hhaha

bored....

Too Freaking bored in the office with nothing to do.. :(

Insights to the ISrael nations' history

Need to remember the fasinating pictures that I had seen in the photograph exhibtion of Israel by David Rubinger and Paul Goldman. first time i see such emotions and passions just in the pictures.. capturing of survivors of holocaust, celebration after the creation of nation 1948, settling from "illegal Immigrants" to nations to having the women in the army. ..

Additional comments from David's website about the above picture:

"What I would like to believe is a typical image of the Israeli Defense Force: There isn't one soldier in this line who is standing in the same position as another. Everything uniform about an army is missing. That was typical of the army of the '50's and '60's. No saluting. No Prussian drill. No bullshit. But it wasn't a bad army, by any means. One of my editors, a former US Marine officer, once visited Israel and commented, after seeing a few soldiers in the street, "They're about the sloppiest looking soldiers I've ever seen. But they sure can fight!"

Comments frm david's site: "Five years after the 1967 war in Sinai, I returned with colleagues to have a look at the battlefield. The wind had blown away the sand, revealing a macabre memento of the war. The hand of an Egyptian soldier who had found his grave in the dunes. Next to it was his helmet. His forefinger was pointing to heaven as though in admonition. No More War. But Sadat had arrived ten years too late for him."

二十来岁的危机

有人说人到了中年时期会有忧郁症， 中年危机设么的。我看我应该是有二十来岁的危机。其实 这是一个让人充满希望与赵气勃勃的时候。而我，不知为何的，却感觉到疲累。想做一些喜欢的，却又不知道是设么。虽然工作上也做得不错，但还是没满足感。 虽然还蛮喜欢单身的生活，也觉得人缘还不差，看到周沼的人都设立自己的家庭，就让我觉得为何我没有。

可能我心里这一刻，就像是向我的blog Name 说指的，Melancholic Joy, 藏着一个悲伤的喜悦。

Walking the dog.

Sometimes a person really needs to get out of their environment and have a change, be it change of job or whatever, especially if you are doing well.

With a new job in hand, it's back to ground zero when I need the help of others, to lead me. It's like a man walking his dog, the man knows where to go, but nontheless let the dog lead the way anyhow even though the dog might be walking aimlessly. I'm like the dog now.

Metro and Vain Men

I wonder how many people actually do bother to spend a lot of money on facials and what not.. At the max, it'll be about what, couple of hundreds every other month, isn't it? And i'm talking about vain girls even. I bought one clinque at what some folks might think is cheap of $80 and I already heart pain.

And there're articles about men who spend 1000 bucks on facials eveyr 3 months?? Thankfully there're much of them around.. else they make me feel like a man .. ;P

Ideas .. Ummm

Umm.. I wonder what would people put in their blog anyway, do they blabble on about what, they eat, what they do.. who they meet etc? *Yawn* ... Y would ppl care anyway? Now, my life isn't an adventure, nor am i narcisstic enough to keep taking Kawai pictures (or at least at attempt to be Kawaii) of myself .. Looks like i got to try harder.. any idea? :)