Dilemma again!

I love the feeling of being carefree!! And in case it's something like no worries in life.. nope that's not my point today =) it's about being in a state where I don't like anyone.. there's no stupid stone in your heart, it stresses me out more than a freaking meeting with my CEO or soemthing hahaha.. it feels so good not having to miss someone or wonder whtat they are doing etc..

but then here comes the dilemma, i miss having someone i can miss, someone i can tok to or simply snuggle up against or even someone i feel like kissing! haha.

But oh well haha.. i can be happy in the first state still =)

now which one do ppl prefer to be in? there are some who just die without a partner... thank God i'm nt like that.. hehe.. some too strong they feel they dun need one At all .. oh well =)

2week long birthday celebrations!!

Yesterday marked the last day of my almost 2 week long celebrations! yippie!

7th sept we had a cell birthday celebrations at Harry's@ dempsey. Alamak, the place is a pain to get to it's really unless your drive hehe... XB sabo me to stage but end up he kena saboed also!! hehe...


ahhhhh Fri @ iguana @ clarke quay!! With my ex-colleagues that i really enjoy hanging otu with. Li hia and LF. Li Hia is always damn funny and she always have stories to tell haha.. and most often than nt, she is my aunt agony hehe.. Superb knowing her.. oh some rice and chicken that i ate there was wonderful but we were damn full and can hardly finish our food. me and LF down one jug of margarita before even li hia came and another one when she come. ooh.. feel like ordering shots for their happy hours actually but save $$$ heheh..

Sat was with my secondayr school friends Jiashi and Ah mei! hehe.. long time no see them, good to catch up with folks you've not seen for a long long time manz. We wanted to check out Robertson quay, stupid that i am, actually forget to find out how to get there, so when we went to ask a security at clarke quay, after giving some general directions, he asked us a question " Clarke quay not happening enough?" hehehe.. that was pretty funny hahaa... dinner was @ waraku, nice food, wonderful service they have!! it's like super packed but the lady ushering in was still super friendly. Wonderful!! And dinner was a treat from them =) Oh anyway, we didn't want to find where Robertson is , so we headed down to Forbidden City anyway, but they were playing trance =( ..


Tues is a pleasant suprise haha. Michael my ex-colleagues rallied a birthday celebraton for a couple of us september babies . that's really awesome of him to inlcude me in the cellebrations also since i'm no longer in HP le. So it was a dinner at Kim Gary not bad, pretty suprising night i would say, ctching up with ex-colleagues.


Wednesday my actual day!! specially reserve for my family.. =) I've got like the best family in the world wide world... even a simple cake birthday song and ang bao is good enuf even if it's with them. I got wonderful parents who never give me pressure for school, super humourous father who is v sweet to my mum, super hilarious\, trendy, futuristic thinking and open minded mother, 2 wonderful sisters who have always dote on me one way or another, my best friends who i can share my woes to, grab make up, perfume, bags from (and they always wilingly lend me, now how many sisters do that!hehe). And arguments were shortlived and we are always having fun everyday at home. Love my family!

Ah anyway on next St James on Friday!!! Woo hoo!! i think the night was a blast anyway, i quite thoroughly enjoy my time except tht there wasn't much cute guys. Checked out Dragonfly since there was so much talk about it.. this slyvester looking guy was quite good actually, not sure if it's him haha. Most of the night is at boiler rm since they play my fav 2 genre, rock and HIP hop R&B.. =) not much dancing in the beginning, but after that once the songs picked up, it's partying time! i pretty much almost dance quite a bit, but not enough!! saw Mario the Power98DJ there too, he is wonderful and friendly, would talk a bit smile and say hi kind of thing. friendly guy no airs about him also. And i think the drinks are a bit diluted cos after half a jug of Whiskey, another glass whiskey dry, 3 shots and a magarita, i'm still not very high yet.. i dun think my alcohol limit DAT good loh. got to know a gp of strangers on the dance floor.. nto that i 'd see them again, but well.. for the fun of it at night hehe. But i guess one of the good part is i'm with friends that i can be myself, that's Candida, zl and jade hehe =)

Sat !! the last of my celebrations!! was with another bunch of ex-colleagues in HP.. my lunch kakis then!! Kean n his girl charmaine whom i also enjoy toking to, carol LF n ashley.. we were@ tea chapter drinking tea for like 5 hours!! hahha.. throughly de-toxify !! But miss those times at HP.. they are all wonderful colleagues!! It's also another gp of ppl whom i enjoy hanging out with , who know what i'm like and can accept me for who i am.. wonderful ppl!!

At night had dinner with aijia, my friend for like for ever... =) good to catch up with friends who is like forever

Oh, not forgetting my overseas colleagues and friends who remebered and msg ed me from overseas also, my Taiwanese colleague AMy, Indian Colleagues susmitha!! and lisheng churchmate in Czech, malaysian colleagues Daliya and Melor .. so wonderful o fthem =)
i'll forever remember these day because i think as ppl grow up and work, they have their own lives and it's hard to meet up de.. so really appreciate all my friends both overseas and here who remember.... =)

It's really wonderful cos as ppl grow up or get older, it's really hard to meet up cos they have thieir own lives.. so that's why now it's really all the more memorable hehe..

Thanks to all manz!

policemen in MRT

We trot in and out of the MRT stations blindly when we go to work or come home from work. There are just some things that you have come to ignore or fall out of your vision, like the MRT staff, the other passengers or the ice-cream seller sometimes. They become a blur and u just move on to your destination.

Today admist the huge mass of peak hour crowd ants i saw 2 men with 2 bright red caps. Policemen or armed force folks. aiyo.. 2 guys in big red caps holding 2 big rifles. and outside the gate, 2 policemen in uniform. Alamak they are not very discreet. And the thing is that, they are trying to look at though it's a normal routine or normal check.

Okay thing is, here where we are, if you see so many armed force peoples together whispering to each other, there's nothing discreet and routine about it. Their precesence really gives me the creep manz.. can't this ppl just wear plain clothes or something?? hehe.

But it's damn assuring to know our friendly armed forced folks are really near us. =)

cooling down

Every monday is the time i go for my weekly aerobics class. And because of the fact that if i cool down at home, i'd end up dreading my shower and shower at like 11 plus pm with my head wet. So i've tried a new tactic, I'd sit down at the void deck enjoying the natural wind to cool down.

Sometimes, I thoroughly enjoyed moments of these, when i'm all by myself, and i can be anyone i want, i can wear any expression i want and i see no need to entertain. The breeze is a relief and it's a good way to end the day.

Today, the air is thick and dead still. The occasional tickle of air serves nothing to cool off the ever rising heat of my face and body. My body is thristing for the cool wind that usually comes, but tonight, It has decided to take a break for the night. I begged from within but yet it refuses to budge and change its mind. I longed for it to relief me of this of bubbling heat and disquiet. Alas, today is not the day.

mind boggling n incoherent

今天就是那么一天，满脑子里掺渣这许多各种事情， 全都混成一片，能得我头昏脑胀。

想着我的社交圈子， 是不是有时候对人太好。想着为什么那么难找到知己。 到底是不是人们一旦长大， 就变得比较自私自利？ 还是要找到关心你的人，只能在教会找到？还是我真的想太多了。 有时候真的得感谢主。要不是我生命中有了主，早就变成一个自卑及depressed的人。

最不喜欢被人忽来换去， 对你好，就把握当作所以然。 必定在那帮着你的，对我一点也不客气。 真讨厌。

Beauty is a mind boggling affair. Who determines what is beauty and who decide if you are beautiful or not? The world has a set of measurement whether you are beautiful or not. Perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect features, perfect clothes n perfect body? Or are you beautiful cos of your inner beauty? I'll say that noone has the right to determine whether i am beautiful or not, but somehow sometimes i can' help but be led round by the nose by the society.

On one hand you will can say that i Refuse to be measured by the society. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I dont' have a need to be perfect, don't need to put on tonnes of makeup. be all natural. As lng as i'm happy who cares?

but the whole is a cruel place. and humans judge each other by their looks. 1st impression. It' all takes place in a split second. It takes only a few seconds for a person to look you up and down and make a judgement. Bull shit if they say looks are not important. I'll ask them to eat their foot up manz.

Beauty is like a stage performance, you spend years practising, honing everything to perform for people in that circumstance and show.

premaritial sex

I have friends who told me about ppl sleeping with a person on their first 'date' or night out together. Well, i have to say this person is not the only one i know. Others i know before him do that often enough also. Now one might say, so what? It's very common wat. what's the big deal? or give comments like, you sua gu ah? I have to say a increasing pile of incidents like that is pretty mind bogs my mind recently.

now looking at wat's common in the world nowadays. It's just an open society, feelings are by impulse and what's more important is my feelings and satisfying myself. Who holds on to virginity nowadays? the act is purely instinctal and persona happiness is more important than wat we have been drilled into for what seems like no apparent reason. In current society,there seems to be no big deal to it already. Plus the fact that one can say "we are all consenting adults" , "we know wat we are doing". To some, the only limit is as long as the partner don't get aids or pregnant. i have to say on some point of view, in this society, what's wrong with having sex with another person, if we dont' get into trouble and we enjoy the moment? Isn't it what we are built to be? especially if for some, they are going to marry the person anyway, does a signature on a paper determine when we can do it withthe person i love?

now, sometimes call me traditional, dumb or livign in the past. It simply never fails to amaze me how "open", in all sense" people have come to be. How could one possibly sleep with someone you barely know. Based on what? Drunkedness of that moment and the dolling up one can do at that moment in time. And to whose benefit? And does one really don't bother too much about it? I sincerely that all these is going to catch up on them sooner or later . I've seen cases when it do. God has stated clearly that sex out of marriage is wrong. and God is certainly no old dumb fool sitting in the corner of the universe not knowing a single thing. He certainly is aware of the consequences physically, emotionally, spritually or psychologically. But we in our moment of impulse lust has chosen not to look at it. Indulgence is pleasurable no doubt, but temporal nontheless. most of the times, not only does it not solve anything, it heaps more problem. God does not say No to premarital sex for no apparent reason no matter what era we are in. It's amatter whether we understand things thats all.

Now where u stand is up to the individual. As one can see, either side you have yr own justifications. All i say as long as u can stand before God clear and pure in life, or for non-christians conscience clear. it's an indivdual choice.

Friends?

I' have to say i'm disappointed with my friends around me. Im easily a friend to others, but how many can i say likewise that they are a friend to you? Who can i count on when i'm down? WHo can i trust with my secrets and not be laughed at? how many friends i know are willing to take time to spend with me and hear me confide? I think not a lot. In fact 2 of what i consider my dear friends keep giving me excuses when i asked them out to celebrate my birthday. In fact they keep saying they have work to do etc other appointments. Personally, it's all a matter of priority and i'm certainly not their priority. Another person whom i consider my friend, i was willing to hear the person confide in the problems, but when i'm done and i sent out a msg all i get is "no comments" and though was asked what's the problem but when i highlight my problem, all i get is silence and no reply. what the hell. And to think i treat this person as a good friend, someone i can share excitements and downs with. I guess i was dead wrong. It is really hard to find someone to share and DON"T END UP THEY SHARE THEIR PROB WITHOUT LISTENING TO MINE. They just remember they them themselves and u end up feeling more fed up than ever. Either that or they just brush you off saying "aiyah it's like that one lah", or "it's common" or "suan le loh". The point is now how big my problem is, it could be a damn small issue. but the point is i need a listening ear and your sincerity as a friend. dammit.

So then, what am i left with? Is it because I'm not willing to take the first step and trust someone with my problems or is it really cos ppl don't bother anymore.

i jus tknow i'm damn pissed, dead disappointed, depressed and given up hope on my friends.

EMO

feel like shit. disillusioned, lost my footing, swayed by ppl and circumstances. helpless, irritated and trapped. Depressed and sarcastic.

In the deepest of the down.

Life..

Threading on a fine line in life, going on a roller coaster ride. Riding on high, feeling victorious like she's conquered the world. That she can overcome all emotions and circumstances. Instantaneously the next moment, life halted to an eerie halt, devoid of ups and downs. But you can feel the tension building, anticipating somethng to happen. suddenly, it whack you straight in the face, throwing you off guard.

Feel GOod

我忽然间又开始爱上华文。对我而言，一个能把整句话缩成4 个字的而 听起来非常美妙的，就只有华文。最近，开始新的一份工作， 能拿到《我报》。 真觉得很好读。对于我这一个华文不太及格却又很想进步我的程度的人，是个很好的帮助。不但有的学生字，而且有些报章还很细心的有英文翻译。 真细心！

okay, enough of writting in Mandarin. As much as i would love to be articulate and fluent in them, it's an uphill struggle. But typing in mandarin really helps to know my hanyu pinyin and hence improve my pronunciation. hehe. ..

Did something unusual at work today. In the middle of work, i suddenly had developed a runny nose so decided to go out of the office for walk and bathe myself in the sun. As i was walking down Tanjong pagar area, it suddenly feels really good. It's really cooling and the wind is lightly fingering my cheeks and hair. I sat down at a park bench and watch the world frenzily walk by. . For a moment, I'm trapped in a space of time of my own. It doesn't matter there might be work to do, it doesn't matter what situation i'm in, it's just a moment of peace, between me myself and God.

do our best

We are saved not just to wait to go heaven, but we are saved to in turn reach out to others about the good news. This is the gist of a statement i heard the pastor preach today. which is true.. how many of us just go to church on Sunday attend service go home and feel like we've done our job? And how many times we've thought that those around us are just being sunday christians?
I for one are guilty of both. The former is when i'm low and far away from God. The latter is when I thought i'm close to God. Act both are when i'm not very near God. If we are close to God, we won't be thinking either ways.

Sometimes i think i've done my job that's good enough, but it's not enough just to go to church, if we really love God, we'd want to do our best for him and to please him. to share the good news to others who don't know him. tell them that God Almighty reached out to them first and be known to them to want to love them.

God help me do wat He wants to do.

Lamentations

These few days, i'm in an ultra bad mood. I'm not in the mood to be funny or hang around people already. I 've always thought that I'm very sociable and have a sense of humour. Put with me any type of ppl and i can carry on a conversation.. Alas the magic has failed with people who are stil kiddish.. I am simply beyond that frequency to be able to click with these ppl anymore... people who are actually my age but then still behave and think like a 18 or 19 year old is beyond me.. who are they to think that they ahve the rights to simply critise other people or the right to choose that they are superior to others! my foot!!

So many arrogant idiots in the work enviornment! wah liew! it's only a department that has the finally say! do they ahve to be freaking arrogant and ignore ppl like that?? I mean if people is friendly towards you what makes you think you have the damn right to not give a damn and not reply.. If someone invites you for lunch, what makes you think you have the damn right to reject simply because you don't feel like!

stupid fools, talk about being a "Family" company, my foot! it's full of selfish i care about myself cliquish ppl!!.. and i have utterly incapable managers!.. they might know how to do their work, but they don't know how to lead and manage!! if they dont' even know what to do, they expect me to do miracles?? damn the increment and bonus had better be damn good. every day count down to the minutes tolunch then count down to 6 pm.. am i ever going to learn any thing at all?

i feel so far from my friends also.. Sometimes i wonder at the end of the day, who do i click with?

Slackers

aiyo.. sometimes i wonder why would anyone want to employ anyone and give them so little things to do...

the stupid thing is, they employ me for more costs.. but i'm doing like 10% of what i used to be doing in my previous job.. now i'm so thankfully the company didn't ban this blog site.. or a matter of fact msn..

thankfully i got this naturally solemn face haha.. i can be blogging or msning or doing something damn crappy but ppl would still think i'm working very hard.. well they had better give me something to do before i lose my momentum..

Chionging and all

Continuing the note on chionging.. there are 2 particular group of ppl i can't stand when it' comes to ppl who chiong..

first kind, those who think they go chionging is very got "sey".. so they keep telling ppl about the MOS they go, the zouk they go blah blah, and for the younger ones, zouk is typicaly their favourite place they like.. then they would brag about how much they can drink how many jugs they order.. wah liew.. for the older ones they would sound damn sua goo.. personally i think go clubbing go clubbing lah.. wat's the big deal.. chey..

Why do ppl go chiong, club or pub anyway.. music. company, dance and drinks.. right? is it something to brag about anyway?

second kind.. they have chiong a lot in their lifetime.. then u talk about a particular time u enjoyed with your friends, they would tell you "Chey, been there done that.. wat's the big deal?"

wat the hell.

Krueger oh Krueger

Finally wake up from half day of slumber to do something .. sometimes sleeping in is really a waste of time .. before you know it, half the day is gone.. sigh...

Yesterday night went Rouge again, only to realise that John Molina and gang are no longer there. Damn! i gotta hunt them down again.. stupid ppl can't stay in one place for decent number of time manz.. been trying to follow them from Man U bar, to china bar to Momo to finally Rouge.. now they moved on again to Arena but have supposedly left that place also.. wah liew.. tired leh.. can they at least have a simple website or Blog to update their fans about where they are or not..

Anyway, the place i think lost their biz by 70% without them.. it was a far cry from then when john and gang is performing.. so we were pretty unsatified and head on down to MOS hip hop room to continue partying the night away.. suprisingly there are more chinese than malays.. ...
some how um.. i stil like st james.. MOS like more army guys who just book out on sat go one like that.. me and yas decide sept our birthdays we shall go st james to celebrate .. :)

It's pretty funny when we were having breakfast at Mc after MOS closes when lao ma called at 5 plus am and ask how come still so noisy?? hahaha..

anyway.. veyr happy at least i did my fair share of work out.. dance the night away!! hhaha