Millennia

Walking a round millennial walk alone waiting for Xmas dinner to be up is actually quite stifling, this place brings back a lot of painful memories......

Tkd

Going back tkd heavy bags was therapeutic, esp since Mr Rivas classes are always interesting.

It feels deja vu, personal life went back to where I was 2 years ago when I stop tkd, so did my stamina. Mr R had to ask whether or not I had been exercising.

Where did the last 2 years go to Lord? They say time flies when u are having fun. I did have fun the last two years, but like the saying goes also, all gd things come to an end esp if they are like real flower, awesome while they bloom, but u know no matter how much u preserve, it 'll wither at the end.

Need to get my stamina back, panting like a stupid pig. Maybe aim for sec Dan? Explore a few other things and realized I still like tkd, friendly culture at jhk, and full range sparring.

Swings

I don't like the fact that I can for once feel remotely more normal, and the next I'll be tearing non stop in the middle of no where

hurt

As much as i said that it won't matter, there is no difference but there is.


As much as i said that i won't tear, i still did.

As much as i said that it won't hurt but it did.

As much as my mind said for the long term it's good but my heart disagree.

Again

I got this feeling of hopelessness again, this is not helping

Angry

Cant let an idiot get to me....

STitch in taiwan

 We were reviewing our 2011/2012 taiwan trip photos and decided to make a photo of my stitch whom i bring to Taiwan :)

restless again.. feeling of uneasiness .. what's lies in the future.. pray for peace of God to be upon me...

WHole week down!! no training and workout because of my nose..
To add salt to wound, I had to have food poisoning of sort through the weekend...

Come tomorrow.. flu or no flu, i'm going for my boxing class..

Anyway.. watch Bourne Legacy with Mr. on Friday.. ahhh.. Jeremy Renner.. *dreams* Love him for Hawk Eye in Avengers...so glad he finally have his leading character *yay!*

down and out

miss training last week cos of stupid cramps.. this week the flu cycle starts..

from itchy nose on saturday night to sneezing on sunday to full blown fever and sore throat on Monday. 

By tuesday the flu became just running nose..

By wednesday it reduced to just blocked nose..

When will it clear... :( 

''''

Each Friday, weekend or public holidays that it didn't happen, my heart died a little each time

import

I understand the rationale for bringing in foreigners. sure there are economic benefits. however, the ministers administering the policies should show that they care how the overwhelming foreigners are having a negative social impact on their very own citizens.

instead of asking us to integrate them, they should integrate into local culture.

like only bringing in ppl that know how to speak English.


social courtesy. I believe Singaporeans are not the most kiasu ones now.

night

there s something mystical about the silence of the night. its moments like this when you are all alone, the tv and radio are off, the world has fallen asleep that you feel especially vulnerable.

these are the moments when you tell yourself and God that you really need Him.

these are the moments when anger is replaced by sadness and the aching void in your heart.

these are the moments when your thoughts went from violence to wanting to cry in the arms of the person waiting to be comforted though you know it won't happen.

ageing

you hit a certain point in your life where you rather stay within the comfort of your room (or two in my case) then be out clubbing.

change

fire

need to occupy my time so I can stop thinking. insecurity and despair growing. lord let your refiners fire burn in me and cleanse this heart of mine, renew my mind and create that steadfast unwavering spirit in me.

alone

I should get used to living without him

fat !

stomach getting so big! sux! went jogging about 4plus km yesterday, went brisk walk 5km today. tom got training. Fri go gym. hopefully can squeeze a gym on Sat. need to get back to pre holiday weight by end July!

nice

its nice to have someone who appreciates your effort:) even if its just verbally :)

can't

I can't even take care of myself properly, how can I take care of others.

amazed

I'm always amazed with drummers who worship at the same time as they play. SImply not easy. Shows skills and the heart to worship God.

restless

feel so restless, like waiting for something to happen, or hoping something will happen. feel tired by 9pm everyday. . slept by 10. or maybe I should make something happen.

feel I don't belong anywhere now. never know what to say to anyone already.

still haven't post my blog on the US trip, which I wrote on the long plane ride back.

ah!

time has finally come, can't believe I actually am finally off!

"only child"

I never thought ill actually get to have the whole room to myself. when I was younger I always say, I share bedroom with my sis, when I'm older ill share with my husband. I forgot about the period when they get married and I'm the only one left.

I can empatise with only child why they either swing from aloof to a wild child. when you are alone too long you either get used to not having anyone or you feel the need to keep going out to socialise since you are the only one anyway.

after 2years of being the only sibling left, think my personality has taken a shift. I think I m no longer the chatty social butterfly who can chat up anyone because I love to, but now I chat up with ppl only if I have to. its no longer that easy To create conversation with friends, even those that you are familiar or close to. I no longer feel the need to do things to feel more secure and confident because I already am. which means the moments which I wanna be crazy and wild has drastically plunged. I rather be left alone and in my most comfortable moments with my family, I ve become more quiet and observing than the one talking. which probably is why I rather take a single room during retreat than share with a stranger.

time will fly just keepin to myself and enjoying the me moment, I'm perfectly fine with having dinner or lunch myself. gone are the days I'm crashing from party to party. meeting new folks and friends. talking and chatting up with all my friends.

or maybe I'm just getting old.

number one

we are but servants of God. we are not here to show how gd or talented or how excellent a leader we are.

God is number 1, he Is in charge. we are not the cell leaders leading way but God is the cell leader

miss

I miss Mr rivas 's heavy bags and conditioning class. . . .

yeah.

savate on Mon. muay Thai on Mon and wed. krav maga on wed. and loads of bags for me to work on. yeah! that's the life I want! to feel the muscle ache. . :p

but I miss jhkim. that friendliness in everyone. where it feels like family and ppl are not so hao lian. .

Baptism and Muay Thai.

ahh.. been slow in posting ! yes i know. this is more of a personal reminder  :p 

finally after 16 years.. yes i know.. i don't seem like it.. but been 16 years since i received Christ. 26Dec1996, christmas weekend. But finally i got baptised.. on 8th April Easter Sunday. WHat a glorious day to be baptised. 

i honestly didn't expect baptism to be such an emotional affair, but oh what a ride it has been! i believe GOd's timing is the best and for me to be able to be baptised now does not come easy but God knows when the best time is.

It's probably both reason and excuse to say my parents don't allow me to be baptised, that's true .. they have been vehemently and adamantly against my water baptism. to them, you are not truly a christian until you are baptised. But i have been for years. But God has done a miraculous work softening her heart over the years..from Anti to someone who actually reminds me to pray when things get desperate.. shame on me :) but yes.. 

But i actuallly signed up last year and supposed to be baptised last Nov (after some urging my Justin frankly) but i don't think she is that open still... but somehow my menses was delayed and it overlap on my baptism week.. and i have wish to be Moses to turn the sea red :p But this time round , not only was my mum okay, but my cell group was there with me , my sisters are both with me and thankfully i didnt have my menses.. but what did happen was immediately the monday after my baptism on sunday, my menses started.. o my! god's timing and his attention to details like that. sorry ppl, keep going on about my menses.. but to know that he can control what's going on my body like that certainly firms up my faith that He definitely has the power to heal the sickness in my body! and i'm holding on to that! for my nose!!

But actually i didn't feel that emotional until the sat before when we had xb's housewarming cum jade 's birthday and mike prayed for me ... and the actual day it self when the pastor prayed for us, i was crying non stop man.. but i was happy i did it :)

___


Signed up a new school :) Took up Muay thai :) My stamina plummeted! couldnt last through half the class! warm up is skipping 10 mins non stop.. can barely survive the warm up lor!! brain freeze half the time.... yeah got motivation to look forward to after work again.. anyway can try krav maga and savate also.. =) enjoy the muscle ache ! ;p

kicked up

after this week, finally time to breathe, at least to see the sun when I come out of the office. probably that's why I ve not been blogging as much. made Justin hold the kick pads as I practise oz basic foot works and kicks. shit, I'm back to square one kicking like a white belt, exhausted within 2mins. I got loads to catch up on, but it did ignite the passion once again. probably its time to check out some of the martial arts school in raffles, its time to check out mt or boxing. I miss my bags, my muscles are complaining from overcrowding by the extra fats neighbours. |||

Light of the world

In Him there is no darkness! His joy is my strength and I'm a new creation in Him, born anew! We have freedom the moment we call Him our Lord and I'm assuredly Yours. Guard my thoughts o lord, and fill my thoughts with your Word. ordispel all lies within and fill my thoughts withyour love

awww wooooo

I'm turning nocturnal already.. can't function during day time. and my brain just wakes up after mid night.. .. i should go get a night shift job..

WHining

i wonder why people can see it coming, can see it happening, know what's going on, but does nothing about it. It's like seeing someone march towards a man hole in the ground but yet does nothing to pull the person back or around the hole I shall and will stop saying I'm tired. I'm glad i still have my family and my two dear sisters around, who i always fall back on for encouragement and they had never failed me. But doesn't matter, it's all coming to an end soon. my sis said, never look to man for encouragement cos they will fail you, but look only to GOd for HIs acceptance and encouragement. And Prov 16:9: a man can plan for his course of life, but it's GOd who establish his steps.

yesh !

finally! I see the light still when I leave the office and I'm actually on my way home at 730! yesterday night was the 4th night in a row I slept at 3plus am. damm and I'm getting used to it.

yet a night con call the countless ones for last few weeks.

haven't gym in more than a week.

but yesh! I finally see the light at the end of tunnel. I'm so happy I can cry. its a detrimental move to my career, considering I had a good start this year. but sometimes you reach a stage in life money is not everything and I'm at a stage I have more than I need and I'm gaining a lot of challenging experiences but I'm at the unhappiest point in my life.

life

I don't need to travel round the world. I don't need to eat in fancy restaurants. I can take public transports, I don't buy branded stuff. just need to cut down my dining.

worth it, to get a more peaceful life.

gone

I ve lost my life. is this all worth it?