so sad...

finally went for my eye follow up.. spent 3 hours and 5o bucks to hear something that the A&E eye specialist told me.. most of the folks at the eye centre are elderly, sometimes i admire that courage, if i were them, the modern technology and environment would freak the hell out of me.

anyway, the scarring is permanent and i'm advised to stay clear of contacts, which is a blow to me.. i've booked the pre-lasik assessment, that's my last hope now.. hope i'm eligible.. =(

now i'm so sad that i'm staying clear of tkd for 1 month, both for my leg and my eyes.. going back in the week of grading but the rest of the month i'm staying clear also.. gosh.. was so sad when i kept my uniform... what's life and what am i going to do now w/o tkd in my life?? gosh..

plus cos of my leg, can't do major exercise.. boo hoo!! kauz cann't exercise leh! looks like i've to go back to my hated swimming liao..

now i' have lasik, crowning and driving.. lask $2300, crowning $500, driving $300, alamak.. how siah..

Tortured for Christ

Recently read a book, Tortured For Christ, which is by this Romanian Pastor, Pastor Richard, who for the fact that he was involved in the Underground Church in the 1940s and 50s, was jailed 14 years, tortured, beaten, threatened, separated from his family just because he is a christian or that the authorities essentially felt that christians are a threat because christians are anti-communisim. But the amazing things is that for people like him, Heavenly Yun, or other folks i've heard or met in EA, they might not have heard much or read the entire bible when they became really fervent and passionate about preaching the gospel. Sometimes I wonder why i'm not as passionate about spreading the gospel, why sometimes my heart dont' burn up when i hear God's words, when folks in some countries would do anything just to get even a page of the bible but can't.

or possibly in 'free' environment like us, there are different challenges posed in sharing the gospel. Education, self confidence in our own talent and wisdom meant that to some, there is be no apparent need for God, or the fact that it's an acknowledgement that we are weak simply due to fact that we need a superior being from up above to fullfil our lives. That according to the bible, is simply foolishness of the world.

Even then, that shouldn't stop christians in 'free' country like us, who wouldn't be murdered, tortured, stoned, family starved to death simply cos of our belief, to do something for those who are suffering greatly for the gospel. Re-thinking our own stand, or at the least praying for them consistently, or going in to help when the opportunities arises should be part of what we can do.

Having said so, in the light of all these, agonising over why someone behaves differently or treats me differently than before seems superficially trivial. but sometimes, humans are complex, they continue to do things they know are not worth doing.

take stock

let me take stock...

in this year alone..

need to do crowning
eye infection
cornea tear
gastric fever
sprain my toes
swollen ankles
swollen side of the feet
allergic reaction to lips..
not to mention the usual flu, fever sore throat ..
usual muscle strain.

just as i thought life would be better now that God has healed me of my hormonal imbalance...=p

camera playing

fri is "busy " day manz.. went see doc halfway at work, who ask me go A & E for eye. so i went down straight. already has scarring, infection etc.. gotta stay clear contact lens.. shit. hard to have tkd with specs siah.. need to think of something.. i'm defnitely not going to stay on specs manz..

anyway went straight after that to arthur's bday.. minds' cafe.. was fun played a couple of games while trying to balance my fish n chips desert and drinks on my lap or in between rounds .. put it on lap , on the table blah.. so ma huan!

played around with the colour of my hp camera. i like the black n white and serpia mode actually..First 2 candid shots are actually kinda fantastic hehe

hillview

dreamt of hillview AGain.. its' always hillview in my dreams.. this time round, it's the front of the building at the carpark.. folks coming over my house for durians..

gosh i miss the old place

on a separate note.. .. kena a torn cornea so gotta stay clear of contact lens for 2 weeks.. gosh.. pray it'll get better .. i can't stand wearing specs now.. shall try go for lasik once i recover..

then got gastric flu also *although dunno wat the hell it is till doc says* but hurts like shit now 害我cannot concentrate in class..

Dreaming..

I was getting bored of my wall paper today and so was scouting for new wall paper.. phew.. found this picture of a beach..totally set my mood up manz.. now i'm dreaming of lazing by a beautiful beach..sun tanning, enjoying the sea breeze.. possibly a cocktail at hand.. hmmmmm

*slaps myself awake from daydreaming*

Ramblings..

So many random things!! Feel like buying a watch! Saw the esprit Square button in Wo bao today so nice!!

Tired of china service crew who can’t speak English..

Read in this morning’s devotional, God loves to decorate and change. If you allow him to stay in your heart, He is bound to decorate and make changes in You. I like the way the author says it.

I m so proud of my own discipline this week 4days in a row, wake up earlier every morning, manage to exercise bathe and do my morning devotional every day before I go work.. this on top of my usual tkd class and other training for tkd.. now the only thing to discipline is my food intake..

Which reminds me need to find a solution.. ir each home at almost 11pm on tkd days, work ends at 6 and rush down immediately for 6:30class .. usually I have dinner at like 10 or 11, which is so not healthy and fattening.. hmm..

I’m so happy that nudging unhappy feeling in my heart is growing more faint as the days go by. If I’ve prayed abt it and God says no, then so be it.

weekendssss

enjoyed myself pretty well last fri at our movie event though was dinner with denise, benne and bryan b4 the movie. meals with them were always fun never fail to put a smile on my face, then ben and jerry's after that together with ky and charlene.. was really appreciative for all of them for giving me encouragement cos so happen jsut failed my driivng that morning. church mates were with me in prayer also thanks peeps everyone of you !

sat went jb with sisters, peter and mum.. shop whole day eat whole day.. woke up at 10 plus eat bee hooon.. by noon eat sushi, 3 pm eat snow ice. dinner eat nasi lemak and fried noodles, gosh ! but managed to buy some clothes. yippie!

for once no driving on sun decided to take a break.. shiok.. but think nap too much plus coffee too late.. had insomnia at night.. but was damn proud i managed to wake up to do hoola hoop.. decided to do that every morning.. yes! i had to slim down by birthday hehhe.. meanwhile let me wonder why weekends fly by so fast and continue to snooze now in a zombie like state... zzzzzzz

injured again.

i have my legs wrapped up again.. this time, the top part of the feet got swollen i also dunno how. . the joint of my toe on my right leg still haven't recover, plus the heels of my right foot hurts also from avoiding my toe too much... plus a big bruise on my left arm..oh and somebody whack my head and i got a bruise on my chin also... kauz. the only consolation is the sinseh says , its normal cos he always has taekwondo martial arts folks coming in to see him wahahahha. oh shit.. forget to tell him i hurt the joint of my right hand middle finger also.

cell event and brokenness

We just finished our first open cell event.. supposed to be a night cycling.. quite a lot of ppl turned up and we have 5 new comers which is cool. But unfortunately it rained the whole night island wide and we didn’t cycle and ended up prata-ing at upper Thomson.. I remembered I can’t sleep for a while after that and keep asking God, did we do something wrong? Maybe we really didn’t pray enough. But it was a pretty good night all in all, got opportunities to talk around, Nvm, there’ll be opportunities, another cycling , badminton, upcoming KTV.


Think sometimes I really do thread around God too much, thinking whether He’ll be unhappy because I didn’t do my quiet time. That’s not the way a Christian life should be. Pastor lim mentioned one thing :”Nobody can hinder you from God’s will in your life except yourself.” That’s true.. can only pray God help me to focus on Him and remove any thing that distracts me from Him and His word.

In one of Ps lim’s notes, he mentioned about the “dark night of the soul" that all of us go through. If we perseverve the morning of God's blessing comes. With death comes resurrection” “Pain is preparation. Pain can lead to gain if we will take the right attitude. When we develope patience we strengthen our hope. Paul says, we rejoice in hope, but we rejoice in tribulations also.” .. Rom 5:1-5. Coupled that with an image of a tree with roots deep in the desert mentioned in one of my QT, I pray God can help me be like that tree, in difficult times, tap deep in the river of life deep bottom and persevere through the diff times.